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By Keith B (7th Jun 2007)

The title of this game is a fairly accurate summation of the sort of action that is encountered during gameplay- you play as a witch and you shoot a lot of bullets. Though that sounds fairly bland and simplistic, it is the nature of the game and thus merits the brevity. There are a few meek rays of hope that shine through all of the refuse, but they appear far too infrequently to resurrect this title from failure.

Upon starting the game, you get a very brief background of the events leading up to your journey. Apparently hell is breaking loose on earth- there are devastating natural disasters, crippling diseases, and massive wars claiming lives in the billions. On top of this, some sort of portal has opened up releasing demons onto the earth (whose sole purpose is apparently to kill everyone they see, as is customary in all demon invasions). You play as Alicia, who is as the title describes, a witch. She uses her gun (which for some reason is called a “Gunrod” and is oddly shaped like a broom, although you can’t use it for flying) and a variety of magic spells to rescue man-kind from ultimate destruction.

It sounds like a decent enough premise, and you would expect some good action from a witch with a machine gun, but alas you would be sorely mistaken. You basically walk around holding down the trigger button and shooting the endless supply of generic demons. You don’t even have to worry about ammo. When you need to change clips you just use a little bit of magic, and poof, there’s another clip. Although this takes a bit of magic off your “magic meter”, it replenishes so quickly that you could hold down the trigger for an eternity and never run out of bullets. As far as the enemies go, there seems to be a complete lack of effort on diversification. Over and over you encounter the same goofy looking demon whose lame character model is only exceeded by the semi-retarded AI that governs his actions. He looks like a bulimic marine (because his bone structure is clearly visible through his skin) clad in fatigues reminiscent of those worn in the Vietnam War.

The demons are quite dull-witted and often stand in one place and shoot at you until you finally kill them. On occasion they appear to make frail attempts to find cover, although I have a hunch that it is just a stroke of luck that their awkward attempts at running land them behind a barrier. One of the attempts made towards diversification, an unsuccessful one at that, comes in the form of giant floating brains called “Walnut heads”. They control the various energy walls that prohibit your movement throughout the levels; thus the main goal in each level becomes searching out and destroying Walnut heads. This is, needless to say, less than exciting. Every once in a while you will encounter tanks, and although they look somewhat intimidating, they seem to be completely incapable of locomotion. Defeating them only requires being partially hidden by a barrier so that you can see enough of the tank to cast a spell, while still staying out of the view of its turret.

Even with all of these design flaws, the game could be fun as a generic run-and-gun shooter if the physics engine was well equipped. But to make sure this game was destined for the bargain-bin, this part of the game was easily the least well developed and was grossly unrefined. Bullet Witch is fraught with numerous collision detection issues that can make the game almost unbearable at points. Sometimes objects that should crush you go right through you. Other times objects will be many yards away and somehow kill you. It is the inconsistency that drives you crazy while playing this game. Bullets can’t pass through flimsy chain link fences filled with massive holes, yet they often go right through objects that appear to be completely solid. You are, on the other hand, able to shoot through certain solid objects by sticking your gun right through them.

There is one quality that, although still quite flawed, brings a certain joy to the player; this is the magic that Alicia can perform. Although much of her powers are quite boring and altogether useless, there are three spells which completely surprise you, as they are quite beautiful to witness: Lightning, Tornados, and Meteors. The first is available at the onset of the game and is your sole mean of destroying tanks. The other two aren’t available until the end of the game, which is quite disappointing since they are easily the best part of Bullet Witch. These spells completely destroy everything in their paths, and they are an awesome sight when performed. The problem arises in their late arrival, as you are only able to use each spell one or two times in the entire game. An even bigger problem is the way that they are cast; you have to cycle through the spell menu with the bumpers until the right spell is found, then you go to a screen with an aiming reticule and are completely frozen in place. During this lengthy process you are quite vulnerable to enemy fire. This not only causes you to lose health easily, but if you are hit, the spell is negated and you must go through the process all over again. Therefore some of the spells are completely worthless, because when needed the most they are nearly impossible to conjure.

As for the overall visuals in this game, they are completely sub-par, far removed from the level expected from a next-gen console. Although the voice acting is decent during certain cutscenes, the annoying death cries of the demons cancel out any success had in this area. The sound effects throughout the game follow this underachievement: certain effects heard almost constantly, such as the machine gun firing, are lackluster, repetitive, and become incredibly irritating as the game grinds on.

There are very few redeeming qualities in this game, and unless you enjoy bad generic shooters, there is little reason to subject yourself to the agony of such repetitive, mediocre gameplay. This game isn’t worth the eight or so dollars to rent it, and should only be played if it is free (and even then I would be wary).