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By Keith B (14th May 2007)

Aren’t ya just sick of the cool guys and swinging girls giving you grief about your vehicle not having that new set of white wall tires? Do the sexy ladies not give you the time of day because you only have an AM radio and not that new fangled 8 track player? Has your main squeeze given you your marching orders because she is sick of a spring poking her in the bottom when you are making out at the drive in? Well, or your prayers have been answered with the new board game ‘Fix My Car’! Back to the 21st Century now ladies! Bad method acting, songs that only a deaf man could enjoy, and over enthusiasm right out the wazoo, is everything we have come to expect from ‘Pimp My Ride’ on MTV. I think if you put the IQ’s of the mechanics/actors featured on this series together (including x-ibit the host) they would probably add up to that of a piece of carpet, but damn they are bloody entertaining! I really don’t know what it is about the show that makes it so enjoyable, perhaps it is the fact that everything seems to be better with LCD screens, but it is almost addictive where you can watch episode after episode of ‘Whack Ride Transformations’. The European spin-off show is even more entertaining, as they mechanics and ‘pimpees’ are not only as thick as the Arc de Triumph but also have funny accents!

So, the big question on the lips of all of you wannabe Gangsta’ Pimps is “Does the game rate on the ‘dopeness’ scale or does it entertain like a Kenny G LP”? Well, before I answer that timeless (and incredibly well worded) question, let me get you up to speed on what you should expect in the game. Pimp My Ride puts you into an auto-tuning shop in a fictitious city that is home to some of the ‘dopest’ rides on the planet. Unfortunately there are also some of the crappiest rust buckets you could imagine whose owners are in dire need of an image upgrade. Your job is to pimp these rides out and, in doing so, make the city a more visually pleasing place to cruise. The cars are pre-determined, and at the start of each mission you must earn the money to pimp out the ride. To collect the green there are quite a few things you can do. The easiest way is to drive around the city, slamming into other cars. I’m not quite sure how this earns you money, but it does! The more you crash into, the more you get. You can also do little side missions such as ‘ghost ride the whip’. Here you have to press the correct buttons in order (in the time frame) to pull off the ‘sick’ dance moves. Although you have an unlimited time to collect the funds required in each mission, the cash generally rises pretty quickly, so driving around and taking notice of all the secrets etc. is of big help in the ‘pimping’ part of the game.

Once you have enough bread, you have to get back to your workshop to begin the pimp job. Now I will tell you what I think of the game! I was expecting some form of design studio, interactive workshop etc. But no, nothing! Instead when the pimping starts you have one minute thirty to drive your car to individual shops, where you chose pre-set options to pimp the car. These range from paintjob and body kit to ICE (in car entertainment). The pre-sets are then put on the car automatically and you then drive to the next shop for another upgrade. Can anyone spell BORING?!!!! Basically it is another crappy take off of GTA (with a lot less entertaining options) with a couple of cutesy little side games. LET THE BAGGING SESSION BEGIN!

So, we have established that the game play is complete rubbish, but what about the rest of the game? Surely it has some redeeming features? The Graphics for example, for a game that is based on such a visual TV experience, it must be slamming right? Well, it would be pretty decent, if this was a Commodore 64 game! How good was the 64, I used to love Double Dragon on it! Back to the roasting! Backgrounds are semi-acceptable, but nothing that wasn’t seen on PS1 games! The animations are really crappy, which includes the cut scenes. The cars themselves don’t more very well either!

The sound is again an area that you expect to be very good. It is from an MTV series after all. Well, I personally think Mr X’s songs bite, so the music was like finger nails on a chalk board to me! The speech is also very sub-par and doesn’t match the animation at all (which is very similar to the TV series come to think of it)!

The game is pretty small, not the physical layout, just the missions etc. In only a couple of hours of play (which I had to force myself to do) I completed almost half of the missions successfully with no hassle at all. There is another ‘auto-stylist’ team working against you, but as long as you listen in the cut scenes and chose the right upgrades there is no way you can get rolled!

The Scott’s Final Word:
I really don’t know why I had my hopes up about this game. The reason the series is so good is because it is soooo bad! Unfortunately this does not translate to the game. It reeks on so many levels, just thinking about it makes me slightly queasy. The kind of queasy you feel the next day after you have consumed the yearly alcohol export of Ireland the night before! The best thing about this game is that I never have to play it again, and none of you need to either if you have the sense to listen to my words…..which you always do my loyal minions! My 360 is now tainted, it may never be clean again!